Tuesday, February 14, 2012

TWIO Reviews = Me Wigging Out

I debated whether or not I should write this up. I mainly debated it, because EBT's been teaching me about getting to a point where I don't feel the need to defend myself or my characters or my plot, and with that comes along a sense of "I don't give two shits." Unfortunately, I do give two shits. I give lots of shits. It's just the type of person I am. I'm an overly emotional person.

First, please let me say that I am grateful - SO FUCKING GRATEFUL - that somebody, anybody, feels passionate enough or is interested enough in this story that they would leave a review. I know that reviews aren't everything, that there are amazing stories out there that only have a few, but it's still a big flaily deal for me when anybody reviews. The fact that TWIO has as many as it does convinces me that EBT is paying some of you in money or lap dances. O_O

Now, those who have not read Closer, Cold Desert don't know that I am NOT an angst writer. I can barely read it, let alone write it. I'm a fluff kinda girl. I like rainbows and sunshines and pretty little puppies playing with pretty little kittens. I like pranks! Then there's that whole thing about me not being a popular author. What I'm trying to get at is that I never EVER thought TWIO would get any sort of attention. At all. Nothing. Nada. No quiero. Despite what some trolls may think, I don't dig attention. I have a loud mouth and take a firm stance on certain things, yes, but I don't go looking for trouble or attention or any of that.

I went into this story completely unprepared. I was not prepared for the angry reviews and the inquisitive tweets (I always asked before for C, CD but didn't get any responses) and the apparent convos that take place in secret locations. I was not prepared for the attention, and therefore, I was not prepared in how to deal with said attention.

Ms. EBT has been a gem. She's been trying to teach me the art of thick skin. Obviously, I'm not there, yet. The reviews as of late have started weighing on me, and yesterday was the final day I could take it. I'm sorry, but a "Ben's boring" review doesn't help me as a writer. It just leads me to believe that sex and fights are the only things that people want to read about. I happen to believe that a story should have meaning, a moral. There is, however, a time and a place for some downright serious character fucking. Because, let's be honest, yeah...

This afternoon, I vented about this on Twitter. I take to Twitter and my BFF a lot to vent about shit that really grinds my gears. Problem with fan fic is that the BFF doesn't like or approve of it, so I just don't talk to her about it anymore. So, Twitter it is. Problem with that is that TWIO readers have started following me on my personal account, and I don't want any of them/you to feel that I'm nothing but grateful for everything you've done.

So, my solution is this: I'm no longer reading reviews for TWIO. It's really hard for me to sit there and read a review which does nothing but call Angela every dirty name in the book or says Bella's a doormat or Edward is morally bankrupt or that Ben's a schmuck. I have trouble with all of this when the story's not even complete. I know that I did a bang up job of setting Angela up in a not so pretty light, but there are moments - yes, they're there - where Angela's struggle and guilt and remorse are plain as day.

Anyway, so what I'm basically saying is that I'm a giant weenie. I revel in the good reviews, but I can't hack the negative ones. It sucks and makes me a crappy author, I guess, but it's the truth. I'm working on it, though. EBT and Khar have been great with the advice. I'm hoping that it'll sink in soon.

So, if you decide to review and leave a question, please don't think I'm intentionally ignoring you. My lack of response is simply that I haven't read the review. If you like, feel free to PM or tweet me. I'll go in cautiously, but I don't think I'll be blind-sided by my inability to take criticism. Or my giant weenie heart.

Again, thank you for everything. Even though I bitched today and am no longer reading reviews, it means a lot that people are willing to take the time to read and have discussions about something I'm writing.

I appreciate what you're doing for me, because at the end of the day (and this story), it's a lesson I'm learning.

Con Amor Siempre,

Sunday, February 12, 2012


For those that are interested in reading Bella's POV of the confrontation, I hope to have it posted in a week or so after a specific part of the plot has been revealed. I haven't started writing it, but the outline I have in my head is complete. B keeps poking at my brain, and I have a feeling it won't take me long to write it.

Her POV will not be in drabble form. This is her turning point, and there's no way I would be able to do her voice justice if it was limited to 100ish words. Plus, there's also just too much plot.

Musical accompaniment for B's dialogue (chapters 143-148): "Have We Lost" by Flyleaf

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Chapter 135 EPOV

Ms. EBT has been asking for an EPOV since she started pre-reading, and I wanted to thank her for being there for me, as well as give readers an insight into Edward's thoughts. I thought Chapter 135 would be a great place to do just that.

Unfortunately, almost every response to his POV has been the opposite of what I intended readers to come away with. So, I wanted to clear that up here.

Edward really does love Bella. I know his actions don't show that in regards to Angela, but he doesn't know how to deal with the fact that he loves Bella but likes Angela. He's a lost little boy who knows he's about to lose the love of his life, so he thinks he can cushion the fall out by having Angela there. He's not thinking clearly during his argument with Angela at prom, so his thoughts in his POV are jumbled.

Just like Angela, he's gone about things the wrong way, and I tried to portray that in this POV. Unfortunately, I didn't convey that message well enough, and I'm sorry for that. I know that the content of stories can be taken differently by the reader, but with the almost unanimous response being more of a "He really doesn't love or like either Bella or Angela" instead of "He scrambling to stay afloat and doesn't want to be alone," I felt that it was best to let you know what I intended with his POV.

I'm still growing, learning as a writer, so I'm taking this as a lesson learned.

Thank you for sticking it out.

Con Amor Siempre,